Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Mike and the adventure of the rack

Once upon a time a guitar player named Mike didn't like his guitar player speakers. They were full ick and prick, scoop and goop, marsh and harsh.

So he searched for new guitar player speakers.

Guitar scientists combine Aluminum, Nickle and Copper to make a special speaker they call the AlNiCo Blue. Mike had to have this special speaker.

So he got it.

But Mike had a problem!

His guitar amplifier was too strong for his new speakers. The speakers would explode and shoot right out of the guitar player cabinet if Mike played too loud!!

So Mike thought about it.

And Mike figured out what he needed: A transmogifier attenuator.

And since Mike had to get a transmorgifier attenuator, he might has well get a rack to put it in.
And since he already had a transmogifier attenuator and a rack, he might as well get a rack EQ.
And since he already had a transmogifier attenuator and a rack, and a rack EQ, he might as well get a power conditioner.
And since he already had a transmogifier attenuator and a rack, and a rack EQ, and a power conditioner he might as well get the reverb pedal that he's always wanted but didn't have room for.

So Mike got them all.

Mike hooked them all up. Guitar to pedalboard, pedalboard to rack, rack to amp, amp to transmorgifier attenuator, transmorgifier attenuator to speaker cabinet, plus to plus, minus to plus, minus to minus, he hooked them all up! And WHOLA!

It worked.

But it didn't sound good.

Mike tweaked and geeked, listened and rechristened, twisted and persisted. But nothing worked.

It didn't sound good.

So Mike looked for new guitar player speakers. Mike met Jim the Scumback who had spent all the money in the world to make the perfect guitar player speakers.

So he got them!

Mike hooked them all up. Guitar to pedalboard, pedalboard to rack, rack to amp, amp to speaker cabinet (no transmorgifier attenuator this time!), plus to plus, minus to plus, minus to minus, he hooked them all up! And WHOLA!

It sounded GREAT!

Now Mike still had his rack of toys but didn't need the transmorgifier attenuator (which was why he got the rack in the first place, mind you!) but he kept it because the rack looked silly without it.

Mike carried the rack of toys with him everywhere he went. It weighed as much as a tree but mike was very good at carrying it. He didn't care about the transmorgifier attenuator, but he carried it. He started to not care about the reverb pedal, but he carried it. He started to not care about the power conditioner, but he carried it.

Why did he carry it?

Because he really liked the rack EQ. It might seem silly to carry something that weighs as much as a tree just for a little equalizer, but Mike is a guitar player and this kind of thing is normal.

Then one day Mike noticed an evil noise coming from his amp. It buzzed and fuzzed, hummed and crummed, fizzled and drizzled. So Mike decided to find the noise. He checked power and cables, knobs and switches, connections and glitches and finally found the problem.

It was the rack EQ.

Mike tried everything but he couldn't get the rack EQ to stop making the evil noise! So he had to stop using it.

Now Mike had a rack with a rack EQ he didn't use, a transmorgifier attenuator he didn't use, a power conditioner he didn't need, and a reverb he didn't care about anymore. So Mike asked himself why he kept carrying something that weighed as much as a tree everywhere he went, when he didn't actually need it?

Then Mike stopped carrying the rack that weighs as much as a tree everywhere he went.

THE END.

-A children's story by Mike Allen. Illustrations coming soon.

Note from the author: After checking the EQs specs it's looking for a balanced, line level signal so feeding it an unbalanced instrument level signal was causing it to freak out. I worked on my amp's tone stack and found something I'm happy with. Good bye rack. I'm still keeping the reverb around but selling the rest.

3 comments:

lespaulplayerdoctor said...

hehe... i can't wait for the illustrations!

So--- what are you using for reverb?

Mike said...

Using... nothing for reverb now. I was using Van Amp's Sole-Mate previously. I'm still keeping it for special times when I need reverb but mostly I'll go without.

rhoy pamparo said...

haha! that is nice little story dude :)

you could be the dr. seuss of guitar gear geeks!